The big secret

I have to say, I don't mean to offend anyone with this post. It's just that the anti-conformist in me is tired of keeping silent about something that has been bothering me for a while. I know for a fact I'm not the only one - I've gotten comments that show otherwise - but still, this is apparently not very talked about.

In all the top crafting/lifestyle blogs (links on the right), everybody has a perfect life. Everyone is Martha Stewart before the prison sentence, everybody has a lovely house and an even lovelier family, and even problems are recounted as being "nothing", and the next post usually apologises for the previous complaining.

What's going on? Because I don't buy one minute of it.

Why are we all under so much damn pressure to only show the sunny side up of our lives when we blog? Why is everything so damn aspirational? I left a pretty bitter comment to poor Yarnstorm who didn't deserve it, only because she was revelling in some English nostalgia and pride that I never understood, and don't think I ever will, since Britain for me is, and has been since I moved here, very different from the tweed and tea image that everyone, especially Americans, seem to have.

When I started reading all these blogs, they made feel better, because they make you feel that, yes, you too can have a perfect life! And these really are beautiful, interesting women, who write incredibly well, and live nice and fulfilling lives. But it bothers me this feeling that I'm sure it's not that great all the time, and that they are finding themselves in a position where all their readers are expecting the gorgeous corners of their homes, or their last quiche, or so forth, and they indulge them, even if they're feeling like crap, and, want, in fact, to blog about that.

As I have around 10 readers, I moan, and bitch, and complain, but even I started feeling the pressure last week to blog about pleasant things only, because if I did that maybe Andorinha would be more popular, and being popular is good.

But is it?

It's the same with something that I had written about before, and had left in a comment over at pomegranatesandpaper  -  how I'm sure that  artists, crafters, writers, etc, are all secretly terrified that someone will have the same idea that they had, and is going to do it better. Yet you never, ever hear anyone talking about this. Why?

In both cases, it's like it's a secret that people have bad moods, or insecurities, or problems. "I'm slightly depressed this morning, but no one must ever know!"

I'm aware I just antagonised, oh... 80% of my readers, but still...can someone tell me if I'm alone in this?

Comments

[tea]

Glad I fell on your blog. I really enjoyed reading this post and totally agree with you. Although my own blog doesn`t always mention a bad day if I`m having one, I have done a post on me having a blue Monday. I kind of wished afterwards that I hadn`t posted it, but we`re all human and I guess that`s what makes a blog real. And I do once in awhile mention my aches and tiredness from work LOL

tea
xo

[chicchickbiz]

Interesting and true~I just came across your blog from your post on Deb's...I want to spend more time looking around later, but wanted to comment on your latest post. I have felt similarly before...

I like to try to keep things fairly upbeat on my own blog because I want to inspire and be inspired by other people. That being said, I often have posted when I'm having a "negative Nancy" type day and no one seemed to care. For me, reading my favorite blogs are like reading a magazine or seeing a TV show...I recognize that this is not "reality" but it's nice to dream about someone else doing all these great things in a pretty apron and lipstick and telling us about it. It's a fantasy of sorts...

[Inês]

Hey, I believe you didn't expect to see me here:) I couldn't refrain from reading and commenting.

I believe that happens because most people are just too rational about life or tend to treat their little problems and irritations as "stupid stuff". Well, that ends up bottling up and they have to explode sooner or later. To be honest, I don't see that as an healthy thing. I remember when I was in my very early teens, even though my life was an absolute mess, I refused to look at it that way and pictured it as such a preety and happy thing. Of course, that had to crumble one day.

Sometimes, people just have the necessity of building things that do not correspond very acurately to reality, they have the need to live in their own ideal copy of the world. This happens with different degrees of intensity from person to person. It's natural to idealize things.

And no one has perfect lifes. You can have a preety house with a white fence, a handsome husband, a couple of kids and a dog and in the eyes of most people you will be the image of a "perfect life". Buf before you are part of that picture, you are an individual, with individual will and goals and dreams, and some people forget about their individually and they are actually lead to believe that they have everything to be truly happy. Therefore, they probably become confused and think they are being stupid or crazy when they break down and bitch about life. Usually that irrational emotional side is the most sincere of them all.

That's why I find it very natural and actually healthy to bitch about little things - it's better to release it then to bottle it up inside!

Sorry for the long rant - Cya tomorrow or very soon!;)

[korinthe]

Hi, I came over here from yarnstorm to find out what the conflict was. Not alienated by your post, either. :)

I can certainly agree with the notion that there's pressure to have a "perfect" life or perhaps a blog (or professional persona, etc) that filters out the negative parts of one's real life.

However, perhaps there's a comfort to only showcasing those things in which the author takes pride and pleasure. It doesn't mean the author is in denial about the whole of his life, or that she's really truly Superwoman (or that we should be, heaven forfend). It's just that not every blog or public facet of a person has to be confessional in nature.

Personally it's a comfort to me, to read of someone's better moments, and to know that when things have gone wrong (as we know they have, from other posts) she has picked herself up and shared something of pure joy.

[Vanda]

Dear Korinthe:

You should really leave your e-mail for replies! ;)

I really understand that, I do!

This post came about because I got a little annoyed at Jane playing up all these aspects of Britain that don't really don't exist that much anymore. I know she is proud of her country (as I am of mine), and so wants only to showcase the beautiful and the charming, and leave out the discarded kebab packagings, the teenage mothers, the worse behaved youth in Europe, the drinking culture, and other unsavoury bits. (that was basically what my comment was about). I can't hold that against her, but I had just come home after facing all of that and more, and so was a teensy bit annoyed.

I started my blog in the same aspirational tone - pretty crafts, the feeling that my life is oh-so-great, but I'm a bit too cynical for that, I guess. Maybe the trick is to want to have a blog that showcases a life that everyone envies, and then work hard to make that true.

Thanks for your comment - I really appreciated it! :)

[Kat with a K]

I just found your blog, and I agree with you that some blogs are like that. Although I think a big issue might be the public nature of blogging. I know that my blog is in the first ten hits if you Google my name, so I write assuming that anyone I know in real life might at some point find it. So, while I don't mind about my aunt or boss or neighbors reading about my knitting or book reviews or whatever, I'm less okay with putting all my personal problems out for anyone and everyone to see. That said, I do write about bad days. Anyway. Just another aspect of the issue to consider.

[carolyn]

Hey what is going on here? Whatever did you say over at Yarnstorm and for goodness sake what in the world was there in Janes' post to cause you to get upset.
There are an awful lot of people who enjoy old movies, some of us were brought up watching them on a Sunday afternoon and even though very few of us can talk with that clipped BBC English (bitlike the Queen)or even want to there is a tremendous amount of affection about it all. Something that I think Jane expressed very well in her post.
I'm so sorry that you haven't encountered the tweed and tea image of England, let me assure you that it can still be found, usually in the most delightful places.
There is an England completely different to the inner city experience that you are obviously experiencing everyday. Its' not that we are ignoring the socio economic problems that the UK has had since the Industrial Revolution but quite frankly we English are proud of all that is good about England and that is obviously what we will talk about.
With regard to a perfect life, I personally being very English do not like dwelling on the things that go wrong in my life so why would I want to share them with the world? Indeed why would I want to put depressive thoughts on my blog? So I can remind myself of how down I felt on July 31st 1999 - I don't think so.

[Loretta]

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that I rarely sugarcoat everything. I put it all out there, kids, money, husband, work, etc. There are things that I won't blog about for privacy issues - mine and others - things i can't blog about -work issues - need my job and there's that pesky lawyer confidentiality issue - and my kids' privacy. I will tell you that there are MANY blogger who pride themselves on only being "inspirational" and interpret that to me Only Chipper All the Time.

Heavens, I am the least Chipper All The Time person I know! OK, maybe I have a few sisters who are more sourpussed than I, but I hear you.

However, I will say that you cannot fault a blog for the focus that the author has chosen. Jane is a writer with a point of view and is also a writer selling books. She has chosen to cast her life in a certain way - maybe because of the very pressures she does feel in her country to try to not lose what makes it special.

Just keep blogging in your own way. You'll develop your audience and they will love you for you.

[Loretta]

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that I rarely sugarcoat everything. I put it all out there, kids, money, husband, work, etc. There are things that I won't blog about for privacy issues - mine and others - things i can't blog about -work issues - need my job and there's that pesky lawyer confidentiality issue - and my kids' privacy. I will tell you that there are MANY blogger who pride themselves on only being "inspirational" and interpret that to me Only Chipper All the Time.

Heavens, I am the least Chipper All The Time person I know! OK, maybe I have a few sisters who are more sourpussed than I, but I hear you.

However, I will say that you cannot fault a blog for the focus that the author has chosen. Jane is a writer with a point of view and is also a writer selling books. She has chosen to cast her life in a certain way - maybe because of the very pressures she does feel in her country to try to not lose what makes it special.

Just keep blogging in your own way. You'll develop your audience and they will love you for you.